adumbrated alacrity!

Did Not

2011-03-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

So what if this is my first blog on ageing! Its has its positive connotations. The body does get old for the chirpy soul that is kept young, kept hostage in the hope that the body will behave itself again. Who wins? Who knows!!! Frankly I am tired of looking at the same feet, same hands, same structure for ages now though I love every bit of it…I wish sometimes I could dress up the flesh and mould the bones. The contention over the positivity of the issue lies in its external/material measures. No longer does one count years, count the number of teeth or inches of waist circumference. It is growth nonetheless in many but physical aspects. Lets let it be and enjoy the noise in the head.

Frankly there isn’t much time to blog these days because of a busy schedule (indeed, put those eyebrows down). To make it even better a new season of “Angry Birds” is here and I am totally at it. Will devour it first and then think of whiling away time typing my way to glory. If I am ever told to write a blog in pen and paper I don’t think I will be up to it, say blog and I need a keyboard. Lots has changed from the way I imagined things to be while still in school when I and my friends exchanged cards on Christmas, new years etc even during winter vacations. I still have most of them and cherish them. I love how intellectual we felt writing those certain things in ink, different colours and textures.

My love for ophthalmology has grown by leaps and bounds during this training period. I love doing surgeries. Also, I think that is my forte. I am sort of getting the hang of the whole thing, you know in a cumulative and an amassed sort of a way. May the glory be to the unknown.

Going away with a lovely poem I read not so long ago. Enjoy!

Did Not

'Twas a new feeling - something more
Than we had dared to own before,
Which then we hid not;
We saw it in each other's eye,
And wished, in every half-breathed sigh,
To speak, but did not.
She felt my lips' impassioned touch -
'Twas the first time I dared so much,
And yet she chid not;
But whispered o'er my burning brow,
'Oh, do you doubt I love you now?'
Sweet soul! I did not.
Warmly I felt her bosom thrill,
I pressed it closer, closer still,
Though gently bid not;
Till - oh! the world hath seldom heard
Of lovers, who so nearly erred,
And yet, who did not.

~Thomas Moore (1779 - 1852)

7 Habits

2011-02-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

I have no right to do this…to give you the gist of a book without you all slogging it out to know the matter. At the outset let me clarify my stand on self-help books, I am not into them and there are not into my living space either. On recommendations I glanced through Stephen Covey’s “THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE”, a favour only to myself. The seven habits are:

1. Be Proactive.
2. Begin with an End in Mind.
3. Put First things First.
4. Think Win-Win.
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.
6. Synergize.
7. Sharpen the Saw.

Interesting, isn’t it? Now there is no debate about any of these habits being effective or otherwise. Stephen Covey is a smart guy who has worked it out and put it in a small book. Somewhere in the book it also says that change is something that one’s self is always standing guard at, it cannot come in unless the door is open and a choice to open it is made ( not exactly in these words but something to this effect). True.

Now I am not reviewing any of the habits. I am going back to reading fiction… currently Short Stories by Frank O’ Connor and I wouldn’t mind reviewing that.

Moods and the Moody

2011-01-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I worked up this blog J. No trauma, tumult or excitement - its called a “break”. Genius. I’ll start with talking of some observation of the human psyche, talk about good movies, good work and end with I-don’t-know-what.

This is a phase where I have been summoned by a lot of people who call themselves bosses and have been warned, counseled and (re)searched. The ladies have generally made a lot of sacrifice in their lives, not saying that men haven’t but the ladies tend to be a tad touchy about it. It is not possible for them to see a woman not suffering as much. Being a bit on-the-face and having a see through brain-area are nuances of freedom that some like me like to enjoy. The ladies call and say that that’s not correct, you have to deserve the freedom and then enjoy it or they mean that you cannot simply have it your way. Alright I said to all of them. I continue being me while taking care that I am not abrasive when the need isn’t. The men always have worldly and power-related issues to the extent that they don’t mind intruding privacy. Not pretending to be meek is a good way of handling them, it scares them and it kinda works. There is no harm in not doing the right thing but suffering in every form - imposed or invited is bad bad bad. So people, never suffer…however you may manage that!

I saw three great movies in the last couple of weeks. “The Social Network” - enough has been said already and I feel the same as everyone else does. “Band Baaja Baaraat” - a sparkler of a movie and Ranveer Singh is undoubtedly the revelation of 2010 for Indian cinema. The Ludhiana born desi was schooled at Mumbai and Bloomington. I researched because I thought it would be shocking to find out that he is not from Saharanpur (U.P.) because in the movie he plays a guy from that place. Anushka Sharma is great too and movie is the one that you wish never ends. Lastly, it has to be “ Dhobi Ghat” - short and nice without an interval. You walk in and after 96 mins you walk out having experienced a lot of Mumbai life, having met 4 beautiful people and having seen some realistic stories very beautifully told. Not to forget the haunting background score. Catch all three if you haven’t already.

I have bought a lot of books (good-reads) from cochin and many more reviews are to follow in the coming days. I cant help reviewing stuff because I feel very strongly about everything that I experience and always look forward to sharing it. The blog works!

Living it up!

2011-01-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

I live in a continuum and this seamless series is very rigid to blows like the change of the year, birthday or even an anniversary. Of course it would be totally something else to “go-out-there-and-live-it-up” but I don’t know where, is it there where everyone is trying to live in a changed state of mind from the real? To live it up would also mean that I am not living up otherwise which would be untrue. No, I have nothing against the phrase nor am I being cynical. Here I am just trying to construct a statement of intent (of sorts). Given all the above I would like to admit that of all the seemingly new starts mornings and a change of place does work for me. They make me want to “go-out-there-and-live-it-up”. Sometimes a talk by a well-meaning person or an act of kindness also works for me. All of this on a very inner level of existence.

Nothing can deny the fact that the change of the year is not just another reason to party, the new year indeed begins and more importantly the deadlines come close, some deadly earnest ones do and they do compel the inception of a new game-plan. The resolutions are thus born and sometimes adhered to without an option. I have a very important exam coming up at the end of this year, December 2011. Neither a change from 2009-10 or 2011-12 could/would feel the same. The resolution an obvious one this year is to make it all about ophthalmology and I am going to have to start tilling now for a healthy crop later. Second resolution would be to start taking charge of my patients and diagnose them only to treat them to an end, this is also warranted as this year will be my last as a post graduate trainee. So far I have been feeling happy working up the patients and referring them to the required departments for further decision making.

This year, the first day today, started with a bit of a sacrifice. We were allowed to leave in the evening since there were very few patients, one of residents had to stay back. I did. Nothing great, just did. I was feeling bored and didn’t want much free time I assume, not that I stood there and thought all this out. Don’t want to have dinner, still nauseated at the amount of food I ate yesterday. Anyway… be good in the coming year and never regret anything made you “go-out-there-and-live-it-up”!!!

2010

2010-12-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

Another year has gone by and I pretty much stuck to the resolutions I made around 80 blog posts ago. Though not entirely because if I would have done that I wouldn’t have been normal! J

There is so much to thank for, in a nutshell this year has been about getting independent surgeries, knowing the posterior segment in greater details, learning to be more patient, being in tirupur and getting to know the people there, dwelling in the joys of android, writing more often, watching some great movies, growing a stronger bond with my family and learning that the price one pays for independence is loneliness!

It is time now to look forward to the new year only to bring in more resolutions, new hopes and a new start. There is lots that is at stake in the coming year. I would want to point out certain things in detail in the blogs to come. First Sunday of the year I am on a 24 hour duty. A month-long night duty? I hope not.

Guzaarish

2010-12-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

I thought I became a classified Sanjay Leela Bhansali fan when I saw “Saawariya” and loved it beyond bounds. After “Guzaarish” I think I am more than just a fan. This saga of Ethan Mascarenhas’ plight and love belongs to the class of finest cinema. This is what one expects from a man of SLB’s order and capacity. An art form remains a mere means of entertainment if it doesn’t make you restless and make you experience that purging of the soul. I experienced this after a long while… SLB: may you live long and create many such masterpieces . And I know you are unmarried, consider me - thank you.

I was very happy to see Suhel Seth on big screen, I knew he is a seasoned actor but doesn’t make his performances very available unless you are a theatre loyalist or Khushwant Singh. Aishwarya delivers her life’s best performance so far. Hrithik, with this movie, makes a very secure place for himself in the highest rank of actors. Not to forget Shernaz Patel for a beautiful portrayal of a friend’s role. More than everything else it is SLB who shines through.

I didn’t quite like the music initially except a song here and there but it gels well with the movie and is completely in sync. Thus, a job well done. Of excellence and art and love and self-pity, this movie is meant only if you think there is more to life than just being alive. “Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.”

My Butterfly

2010-12-01T22:37:00.000-08:00

My mother wrote a poem for me on my birthday. It is naive but is bang on. Here goes :

You are my butterfly with rainbow colours,
Some look very bright while some appear blurred;

You are my butterfly dancing on the flowers,
Some you really like but the others you discard;

You are my butterfly with an odd taste,
You take only pure nectar and the rest you waste;

You are my butterfly with lovely wings,
You hop the whole day and dress like a king;

You are my butterfly always fluttering and singing,
Nobody but you knows where you are heading;

You are my butterfly who is scared of none,
If someone comes in your way you shoot them with a gun;

On this special day all i wish is that you always fly,
Fly my butterfly, fly... fly high above the sky!

The Philanthropist

2010-11-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

It was a fun weekend. We had very fondly planned a trip to coonoor and ooty to bring in my birthday. It was a good trip ecxept our car broke down that evening on the way from ooty to coonoor. In all that mess I met a philanthropist for the first time in my life and felt philanthropy around me for the first time too. He stopped his opel corsa and asked us if we needed help and we needed nothing less than that at that point in time. He arranged for the car to be towed and to be repaired, he gave the contacts of the mechanics etc. He had meant it with all his heart because his tone was very “matter-of-fact” throughout. What blew me away was the fact that he stopped over and genuinely asked if we needed help, he was very a well dressed man with gray hair and a good speech. He said it’s a part of his job since he had plantations which his heir is not interested in anymore so now he runs schools, mosques and dispensaries to pursue philanthropy.

I was very touched. He dropped us to our hotel and spoke to us on the way. I felt very small around him. There were many important things learnt on this trip:

1. Philanthropy exists, its not a mythological phenomenon.

2. To be able to help we should be “able” i.e. rich, well settled and educated or else it just talks and no use at all to anybody.

3. Never judge a place by the cliché tourist spots and tour guides, I loved coonoor and ooty for what it is - I could feel the hilly warmth and the buzz ( or the lack of it) and would love to go there again sometime.

4. It is important to make one’s own self comfortable to hold a neutral perspective and to be able to enjoy the unfolding of time. Self-pity is the worst form of indulgence.

5. Love can surround us all the time if only our mind thinks it and heart feels it, nothing else is a prerequisite - not even alcohol!

The Web

2010-11-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

My life is now truly ruled by gadgets and the world wide web. Starting from the time my phone wakes me up in the morning to the time I shut down my computer in the night it is a concoction of online newspaper to mails-on-the-go to social-networking to bio-microscopy to retinal tomography and angiography to talking to friends and family to exchanging pictures to making presentations to reading online books and journals to watching a movie or a part of it and to finally update the software for the day and shut it down to eagerly get back early the next day. It is all done and lived on the phone or the laptop. All my friends are either in there or not there.

It is such a contrast from my life at college in sikkim. Waking up spontaneously as the sun came up, going for a run, having a hot-bath, soaking up the hills standing in the balcony, eating a hearty breakfast, attending the classes but reading only novels, having a lazy evening tea with friends in the mess, planning a long drive or a dine-out at some good place, coming back to catch up on the phone for a bit with friends and family and getting in early for an early and healthy start the next day.

Next is what, who knows! I hope I don’t get a virus in my brain ware and ever crash down or hang-up lest I have to be restored to factory settings by some freak. Recycle, refresh and restart seems the mantra at the moment.

Read it here - http://n-all-dat-jazz.blogspot.com

EQUALITY

2010-10-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

Since childhood of all the innocent things I learnt from textbooks or pr(t)eachers, equality has remained the purest form of hogwash I ever heard. All equal under law, all equal under same cadre, all equal under the same pay scale, treating like equals or behaving like equals is the most consistent lie I have been hearing. Mere kaan thode pak chuke hain!

I do not really know if people still rattle off the word as easily and as unintentionally as they did in my formative years. So much so that I started taking it for granted and why not, after all a lot of equality is my fundamental right being the citizen of India. What to talk of India alone, I am pretty sure it cannot be practiced with a lot of certainty in any given human community.

Neither at home are the two parents or siblings equal, neither at school are all the students equal, neither at the time of admission into college, neither during the college year (same sequence for post graduation follows) and nor are you equal even in an airplane flying to one destination. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Should it be this way or should it change? Does it hurt being treated like a lesser equal?

Frankly, after having lived for as long as I have with my eyes and ears both open I think it should not change for the simple reason that it cannot. Considering all the feats being an outcome of some amount of individuality, the drive to demand equality cools off right there. I agree the rules should be and mostly are the same for everyone but their implementation cannot be forced upon the more equal ones and nor can the bending of a rule be punished in the face of another curve of fate.

So far I am happy that I am equal to the rest of my countrymen/women even if on the paper, I don’t want anymore equation since I believe I can make myself more equal than the others in my own way whether or not it is my exercisable fundamental right! Jai Hind.

Absolute Khushwant

2010-10-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

There are very few Indian authors who caught my fancy like Khushwant Singh did a decade ago. I was in school when I started following his column published in “The Tribune” every Saturday! I remember that being the jazz in my life for quite some time and from then on I was to follow his articles on weekly basis until I read his autobiography “Truth, Love and a Little Malice”, it was a good read. I happened to be at St. Stephen’s College when it released and soon enough the college acquired a copy. I was the first one to have it issued if I remember correctly. After reading the book I thought I knew it all about him and didn’t have to follow him so fervently henceforth. I still keep a track of him, albeit subconsciously now.

Lately my mother, who is a fan too, mentioned his new release “Absolute Khushwant” over a telephone conversation. I just got myself a copy and I am loving it so far. Its like the good old days have come back. He is a Gandhian and I consider myself a Gandhian too. There are many-many other things he does that I agree with. There are several Indian authors who use English language better than his does and many other who do finer writing than he does but I think one cannot beat him at being honest and being so involved with country’s goings. It is out of genuine interest that he opines on political issues, believes in trenchant secularism and brings the right people out in front through his writings.

He completed 95 years in February 2010. The man is still going strong with opinions, scotch and women (though only in the mind now!). Powerful his writings still are and powerful they shall always be. I recommend “Absolute Khushwant” to all who read this post with absolute certainty that it will be the most nutritious food for thought you may have come across in recent times.

Pervez Musharraf

2010-10-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

Musharraf launched a new political party at London and it got the Indian eyeballs rolling. Mine too rolled a good deal. To get a few first-hand bites I saw B. Dutt’s interview of the General at London. There are a couple of the things that I would like to say regarding the whole issue and Mr. Pervez Musharraf.

One - General Pervez Musharraf unlike his other seemingly ambitious colleagues back home is more of an army man than a politician, which is a very interesting facet of his personality. Interesting because pure politics can never solve any problem, I believe politicians should stick to election gimmicks and gossip-mills to stay out of the brain and brawn areas. A more straight forward person like him is easy to deal with, whether one likes him or not, rather than a compulsive diplomatic one.

Two - He thinks the terrorists working in Kashmir are “Mujahideens” and terrorists elsewhere are “Terrorists”. He is very particular about the fact the whole Kashmir issue be recognized as a “Dispute” and be referred to it that way it when ever the issue is brought up. He also feels, though we may not like it, that every dispute when settled over an agreement has to be over a middle ground. Both “give” and “take” are involved in any such agreement, he thinks we too should not expect any “take only” sort of agreement.

Three - He feels the development of Pakistan army to its current nuclear status was essential because it sees a viable threat from the Indian Army. Since almost 60% of our defense resources are channelled against Pakistan and that poses a severe threat. Now if Mr. Musharraf did not belong to Pakistan we would have thought that this a pragmatic line of thought. His response to any kind of threat is very offensive, any politician would have a defensive stand in his place.

Four, five and six - According to him the reaction of Pakistan is not a military strategy alone or even politics. He says it is the people of his country who feel like that and every action the government takes is a sum total of the collective spirit of his countrymen. He may not be correct down to every word of it but it brings up the basic question, what do the people want - in India, in Pakistan or even in Kashmir. This is a very serious issue and this is the way to a solution.

All the above I think point to the fact that the general is a person who likes to look at the problem in its face. I like that. As far as I am concerned I would love to see the general come back to his home and take up a position of importance since it was in his term that we came closest to any sort agreement. We don’t want to beat them anyway, its not cricket, we want peace and we have to work it out. I feel positive, I look forward to a peace pact!

Some time-pass

2010-09-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Spoon Feeding

2010-09-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

A seminar is being organized for the benefit of post graduate students in our hospital. Four of our consultants are involved along with six others from other hospitals of good repute. Out of these four I have made presentations and write-ups for two of them, I am helping out the other two with the visual media and other things. I cannot guarantee that people from other hospitals are not putting their post-graduate students through the same ordeal. What does it say about us or them? Nothing if one doesn’t spare a thought. The old school will pat come with a reply saying - “You are a PG, you have to do all this. It is a part and parcel of your life, you cannot (not should not) complain”. But if one does have time to ponder one realizes how futile the whole exercise is, of having the damn seminar!

I have prepared one presentation from a journal which was published in 2003. The consultant himself is trained from a high ranking institution in our country and he liked the presentation. Bingo! He said “Good”. I am not naïve enough to assume that no new development has come about in the last 7 years regarding the disease. It would have been better if he had refused to participate in the seminar. Not unlike him many others are participating to get in the good books of my boss since he is the chairman of All India Ophthalmic Scientific Committee, he might just push their stature on the national scene if he is happy ( though I know my boss better than that). The person organizing it is doing so to get in the limelight because that gets him a chance to organize an Instruction Course in the National conference and thus an important certificate. The other consultant has not even bothered to edit what I have submitted for the brochure on his behalf (Brave!). He is doing the deed because he finds it difficult to say no and he is a novice as compared to others so he’ll get to hone his oratory skills. I still have to edit his surgery videos. I hope I don’t cut out the important steps in the surgery and later be told “What did you do????”. You should have asked me if things weren’t clear to you.

I just hope the other postgraduate students appreciate this futile effort and make room for some out-dated stuff in their mind while I go and check on some latest bites in the topic and keep them to myself just so I give them a dose of their own medicine - No Spoon-feeding!

Dear Life

2010-09-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Life,

Why be an anti-climax? Why build expectations when their fulfillment takes all the moments worth rejoicing for? I am your humble patron and shall forever remain so. Thank you for being there because people make movies about you and I like watching them. In this lonely world full of people, social networking on the computer screen helps. When there is no fear of retaliation it is easy to make comments, when there are no expectations relationships are maintained and keeping-in-touch is done. But when we are living you outside this realm, you burden us with expectations, you give answers even when no questions are asked. I am sorry but you disappoint often. In some ways we are only talking to the screen when we try and live you through our computer screens but we kind of like it. We do our work and come back and live some bit of you in this half-animated world.

Please do not misunderstand my subjections as objections. I love you because you are who I am. I only wish you were more deep and rooted, we try to make you so by philosophizing but its not fun all the time you know because you turn the tables on us just when we are about to conclude on an aspect of you. One doesn’t even know what you like more, heart or mind. Should we think about you often I wonder. I wish we knew how to please you, even if we cannot we would like to see you through. Please condescend if possible.

Yours faithful unto death,
Yachana

The Art of Not Saying Anything

2010-09-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it so difficult for people like me to stay quiet in belief that this too shall pass? I do involuntarily tend to speak my mind out and almost wish I didn’t say it the very next moment. Its never done with an intention to hurt but done more to state or affirm an opinion. My opinion. Opinionated that I am I don’t tend to care much about the other person’s unless they happen to be as argumentative as me and hammer logic for the same into my skull. If I was Kartik, here in Tamil Nadu they would call me Kar-Thick. I may not be Karthick but I am thick nonetheless in many ways. The art of staying quiet is alien to me. Is it so important that I should work on developing it?

Ideally, of course one should hit a balance and have the sanity to know when it gets tilted only to fine-tune it again. But hell, what about impulses and hormones and habits!!! It doesn’t necessarily break my peace but my only worry is that I may be causing some trouble to the person who is talking to me. For their sake and not mine I am going to try and do something about it. Heres hoping. Peace out.

Debt of Honour

2010-08-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

- Debts, I guess, can never be repaid or lets say when they are repaid they are no longer done in earnest like the preceding favour and thus are never equal in this regard. Not like there is a balance-sheet one must adhere to but one must live and work with humility not only for the ones that help but more so towards people who cannot or would not lest the balance-sheet turns into a charge-sheet.

- I think people read more when they could not have copies of all the books they liked. Libraries were used, now we Google, stay connected fervently and what not! Where is the room for sharing thoughts outside this realm? If there is a new material online related to my subject- I download it, which gives me a sense of security, I think then that now that I have it I will/ I can read it when I have to. And guess what? I never have to. I downloaded a book on ocular pharmacology lately, but recently when I wanted to find out the minimum inhibitory concentration of cefuroxime intracamerally, all I did was Google it and bingo those little briefings gave me the answer. Yes, I Google all of it and barely read the text. I do have my own knowledge data base inside my head but I don’t get the feeling of it all belonging to me. I may not be able to teach my juniors well because I would not be able to tell a beautiful story. At the touch of a button I am resourcefully empty!

Detachedly Yours

2010-08-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

Staying detached is what only learned can practice or so I presume since it is an important acquired trait. Every average happy person manifests the quality. The more advanced the stage, the closer the circle of victims. Talk well while the party is on and cross paths at work like you knew it was a thing that would last a second. If there is something called happy memories, it is the lingering that gives it the quality. Happy moments are as mortal as a hot snack. Its having messed up a little that makes anything unforgettable, an unpredictable turn of events. A dream neatly realized is never as memorable as a messy situation turned into success. But we are always trying to not mess up, where does it go wrong?
Is there something called Nirvana?
How futile is the whole effort of dissecting the meaning of life?
Living in nothingness is the only way out?

An eye for no eye

2010-08-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Neither a butterfly
A flower or bee
To exact the exuberance
Follow me

To lose balance
Walk a tip-toe
Wherever you go
Steal no show

An alcoholic who cut his eye by mishandling a heavy duty machine under intoxication walks in around afternoon with friends who smell the same but see with two eyes. An MLC for us. His son came running after an hour or so. He was crying and holding his dad’s hand as if he wanted his own held and to never be left. All said and done we’ll suture it all up tomorrow, systemic infection and sympathetic ophthalmia are our concern. Vision - of course is gone forever. When we explained the prognosis to the party, his brother instantly suggested we put another eye ball in the place of the lost one. We were lost for a bit and tried to show him the real scene. We sounded miserable.

We take for granted the things that will be given to us in lieu of what we don’t already have or have lost. Another eye will require another man to die, for his family to have the patience to call the hospital and then too if deemed medically fit only cornea can be replaced. Life, eyes and love are never replaced. One can manage through life but to live like you are going to live forever demands a very delicate balance. Any tilt jolts the faith and we either become strong to fight or too weak to believe. To not blame the alcohol is only modest, it could have been anything. But to be able to explain the helplessness the child must have felt and the tears in his eyes, it takes more than just agony and enlightenment. What life!

Fillin in...

2010-08-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

- Feel a bit wiser after the state ophthalmic conference. Heard some mind blowing speakers and got to know the human side of so many doctors who I had believed had a different existence.

- Understood the importance of an oft repeated phrase “I need a break”. I never really understood why one really needed a break. Now I know, logic does not justify it but then it is as much a necessity as is sleep.

- Saw ocean’s eleven - I had never seen it before. Enjoyed it. This week I will hopefully watch “ Ocean’s twelve” and then thirteen the following week. And yeah also watched “The holiday” starring K. Winslet and C. Diaz. What a brilliant movie! -Feel good and refreshing. A must watch if you haven’t already.

- Started reading “The little bee” but I guess that will have to wait for a while, there is a lot of pending subject material asking for my attention.

- Thesis work is on the go. Have lost 12 patients due to a posting in Tirupur. Trying hard to make up for it. Lets see. If not luck atleast the work will be on my side.

Venting out Fury!

2010-07-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

I don’t know whether to sympathize with the people who do “vent out fury” in irrational, unreasonable ways or to despise them. I have freshly come back from the lunch break, I happened to watch some TV - the extremely disgraceful scenes of a female(cannot be correctly called a lady anymore) member of Bihar legislative assembly who was disrupting the proceedings inside the assembly in the most uncouthly manner. When she was told to leave the house she came to vent out her fury by throwing flower pots all over the place. She had to be marshalled out by dragging her on the floor till she was put in a vehicle to be driven away, literally. There were many other male members hurling shoes at each other and elsewhere too but this lady claimed maximum footage because of the absolute indignity she caused.

This was Bihar but it could have been just about any state assembly in India, we have witnessed many uncouth scenes in our national parliament sessions even. I personally have known quite a few people for whom “venting out fury” is an urgency and they tend to it like one normally does to a nature’s call. Why? I have never experienced the same urgency, I do get irritable sometimes thanks to PMS and the like but resorting to violent means to vent out fury is never an option. Its not about how bad it looks or what others will say but about wasting important space and time. The monsoon session of the Bihar assembly lasts only 5 days, even losing out on a single day is a serious problem if we assume they are going to have even half-constructive discussions in the same time. Wasting of media space is another issue. There are more important issues of the sex scandal in the women’s hockey team which needs to be sorted out to the roots and about Headley’s statements besides the diplomacy crisis that we are re-facing with our dear neighbors. Such behavior should be monitored and should lead to expulsion of the candidate as a member and restrict her in the future too. When will civilization set its right foot in the country?

Bharat Bandh - Lo kar lo baat!

2010-07-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

Bharat-Bandh or Khulla, who cares (hospitals are as open as ever)! More of a political outcry than the public concern as a cynic like me would suspect. We dwell in a country of contradictions. A Khulla-Bharat is as good as a closed one and a Bandh-Bharat promises a lot of otherwise normal activity done in the right spirit. The strike is more for the striker than the agenda. The petrol prices and everything amass, the fresh lease of life in the form of sixth pay commission seems to be fading out sooner than what was expected. Amazing that an eye hospital like the one I am working in makes the best out of the “Bandh” situation. We are seeing more patients than we usually would on even an otherwise busy Monday.

We will protest and we will demonstrate but we shall not help the situation by cutting down the cost mainly because we are not sure if that really helps. It wouldn’t be an entirely bad idea to assign “Maximum Usage Limits” to a household or group for a particular resource - petrol, electricity, water etc. , which can be made generous and if anyone then crosses the limit, the taxes be doubled and heavy revenues extracted. Sounds strict but isn’t time running out fast!

Unaccustomed Earth

2010-07-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

One’s got to command the little that one wants, never ask for it. No matter how close the relationship is, when the balance tilts - all but nothing fails. In form or kind, in a family or workplace always deserve and desire. That’s how it works. Everybody wants to be happy and have fun. Everybody. Never forget that you are dealing with a person who wants to be happy. There is nothing called as mean people or kind people. All is mean and kind even when not in love and war.

Planning to watch a football match over some continental dinner for the weekend eve. Sounds like fun. Whatever the occasion is, food always gets the best of me. Almost through Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth. Brilliant to say the least. I have loved Interpreter of Maladies and The Namesake. This one seems to take off from where she had left. Her growing themes, her intricately woven stories and detailed characterization. A compilation of inter-connected short stories on the same theme that always made her write. When one is through a story, one feels heavy with emotions and reluctant at the same time to go on with another one. But as one is through the initial 3-4 pages, the aftermath seems to fade and a fresh canvas ensues. That is the beauty of this book by an amazingly talented authoress. Unaccustomed Earth - strongly recommended for all who love Indian Fiction.

Public Transport

2010-06-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Prices have been hiked of all petrol related products by 2 to 3 rupees. The fuel of our lives! … and we are still struggling to buy our own first car. It seemed to me vaguely a few years back that public transport must be the answer, I am only more sure of it now than ever. A good mode of public transport not only reflects prosperity of the region but also its thoughtfulness. Very recently I had a debate with my brother as to how a good, well planned form of public transportation reflects the growth and success of a nation. He insisted that is not the case and that luxury, pace of life and all such travel related things are personal choices.

Must we go through the same path to attain development, must we go through the same mistakes as everyone else did? We need not. We can take a leap, here in India, by jumping to a very effective mode of public transportation that will take care of the deficit country faces each year due to global oil prices, reduce our carbon foot-print as a country, solve the problem of living space to a large extent, better the way our roadways (blood vessels) look and cut the unnecessary cost from our lives because right now each one of us wants to own a car! It is so immature to think that the house that has more number of cars is the more prosperous one or even a country. Lets get wiser. The things that looked good in the past need not look so good now, the need of today is different and the one who caters to that is automatically more prosperous.

Coming back to the point I began to make, good public transport. In every which way a feasible option. Good for the government because making fly-over over fly-over is not economical either, buying a car after another is tormenting too, polluting atmosphere makes us wheeze and electricity can rule the roost and claim it later as the mode of energy which again the wind and the water can help make. A Self-sustaining system. The only ones who really lose are the MNC’s that have been looking at India at their most potential market, are we not being foolish by proving to be one? It would not be wrong to say - a country that travels together stays together. For now we can start with considering the option at the very least!

Niceness

2010-06-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

“Niceness is a short-lived solitary condition which is determined by the heights of the observer’s spirits and the method in the subject’s madness.”
- Gospel according to Saint Yachana; 2010 AD

With the definition in place no more philosophizing is needed on that front.

After Oliver’s story it is “Unaccustomed Earth” lined up. Have been wanting to read this one since a long time. And, Atlas Shrugged has been waiting forever. The day shall come!

Knowing people who refuse job offers in Maldives - a (handsomely) paid holiday, to people who bunk watching movies for filling log-books, to people who only sms you on their way to kedarnath, to people who still bother to lecture you relentlessly and to the ever so many of them who know you deep down but never keep in touch is all a part of growing up, a learning experience.

Oliver's Story

2010-06-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm still in shape. I jog along the Charles each evening.
If I go five miles, I get to glimpse the lights of Harvard just across the river. And see all the places I had walked when I was happy.
I run back in the darkness, reminiscing just to pass the time.
Sometimes I ask myself what I would be if Jenny were alive.
And I answer:
I would be alive.
(Oliver’s Story; Erich Segal 1977)

As you can see I’ve been through the dreaded, I read “Oliver’s Story”.
Now if you are a fan of Erich Segal’s “Love Story” you would understand the initial inhibition towards even picking up the sequel.
Crazy!
Is Oliver going to see anyone other than Jenny?
Can I bear to mourn Jenny’s death any longer?
Why a sequel at all?
Worse still - rebirth??? Noooo!

At the outset I must say it was a very compelling read. I totally give it to Erich Segal for doing that again. The ultimate truth is that it is not a book for the neophytes(as Oliver would have said), you have to read “the” book and only then get to this. There are sequels where life goes on and then there are certain others which just linger, leave a trail and create more space for emptiness to echo. The fans don’t want more than what is given. But less? I cannot say.

I read “Love Story” very late in life because I thought I could not handle the glorified Mills & Boon stuff until someone whose opinion I hold precious recommended it to me and I gave in. I read it. Loved it, cried. Re-read it, loved it and so on and so forth. Its become a part of life ever since and I saved the copy of the sequel for the day I would be prepared and it was today. To say the least I liked it.

Marcie Nash is good but she had to go. Oliver is sane and is the only thread that holds a fan’s interest. I wish I was there somewhere around and meet up Oliver for dinner and we would miss Jenny together. Or even go to Cranston and help Phil bake the cookies and act all filthy just like he did around Jenny. I guess I cannot. Yet again I wish I could. I am going to pick up the book once again in the not-so-distant-future but the sequel, I am not so sure though I don’t regret having read it once at all.

Notions

2010-06-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

Class after class, presentation after presentation and one loses track of what life could have been otherwise. There have been a few interesting things happening. A few more surgeries- lot of learning, Kites- boring experience, a short trip to mysore- good fun, some good food as always and an emotional break-up with reality.

It takes a lot of hard feelings to not see what is in front of the eyes. The real world is where, I do not know. It does not matter, it does not even matter if I never find out. When one humbly sits down and thinks about what “knowledge” means, it gets even more unreal. Just knowing would be knowledge, why then do we call some people “foolish”. Not knowing correctly does not qualify as being not-knowledgeable. Why then? If everything we see is merely a perspective then why some are silly and some intelligent. Rahul Gandhi may be the ideal politician for some people but eventually Mayawatis will rule the roost. A class topper is not necessarily the happiest person around. Something is wrong, notions are built on such narrow perspectives - it boggles my mind.

Things I know now...

2010-06-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

1. One CAN "Multitask" if one wants to, it must be done with single-minded attention though, all the many things!

2. Bradman's choclate chip cookies go best with coffee and vice-versa

3. "Best friend" is strictly a SOCIAL term

4. No Mango, No Summer

5. One tries till one dies, that is all that that matters

6. Straight forward cases are not necessarily "Good" cases (surgery wise), there is too little to learn in them

7. Never judge a person merely by what one has done to you

8. Even south-indians can make good chola-bhatura!

9. There are some people you will love forever and wont ever be able to come out of it

10. People have their phases, give them a fair chance

The Bubble Around Me

2010-06-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

I was only floating in the void when a bubble grew around me. I saw it turn into a place I thought only dreams are made of. And then…I blew more passion into it. It grew and I began dwelling in the gut of it. It gave me comfort. Sheer bliss. It made me forget my daily chores and I floated all day long…I would occasionally strike the walls and rebound with glee. Going up or down meant all the same. Being static didn’t mean stagnating…something told me this smile on my face was going to infuse life into it and into everything else around me. I kept blowing in the energy and it weighed heavy now.

It had been long since I gave up humanly efforts. Each bout of passion was bringing with it expectations that weighed heavy, I never flipped a coin…felt ignorant when I realized that the side facing me was the winning side…too heavy with expectations (?) I did touch the ground. Managed to escape a pebble and landed smooth on the ground. Suddenly the wind started blowing strong and my world was tumbling…thought I would make it heavy enough to resist the wind. My bubble grew nerves around and it hurt each time I hit the surface. Is it time to let the air go, to make a prick. Should I let the outer world feel the hot air inside. What if I cant ever have it again? What if it was a dream? What if…

Crib - biter

2010-05-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

Cribbing can be therapeutic, as we all know. Apart from the interspersed episodes of natural endorphin rush in the body one is practically never at the right place at the right time. A boss is always unreasonable, stubborn and a miser. A junior always incompetent. The institution is always some sort of a jail. I am not aware if they have tried measuring the endorphin levels before and after a rigorous cribbing session. The results may just prove me right.

One may argue that it generates negativity or even hatred but only a wise cribber will know that one never really cribs from the heart. One never really hates people who we love to call names or even never really hates the place one is in. The trick is to treat it like a therapy. Just crib from the surface, make a “big-deal” out of everything that bugs you and make a good-joke out of everything that keeps you away from living your life the easy way.

Its important to be happy, there is no real happiness just like there is no pseudo-happiness. Only the means should not harm your health or anyone else’s. Your blessings can get multiplied if you have witty colleagues ( just like I do) or if you can somehow fish the humor out of the not-so-obvious ones. So, chillax… go on sloughing and don’t forget to crib or to be happy.

The Sirumugaipudur Sri Ramalingam Saudambigai Weaver’s Association Production and Sales co-operation Ltd.

2010-05-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

We visited a village close to Mettupalayam today to hunt for saris in their native, unadulterated form. The village is called Sirumugai. The actual destination was “The Sirumugaipudur Sri Ramalingam Saudambigai Weaver’s Association Production and Sales co-operation Ltd.” I had to spend some time memorizing this one.

It was a terribly hot day today and we were running significantly behind our schedule. The whole drill seemed worth the effort when we saw the saris. It was a modest little association with a seemingly busy office and a well stocked purchase outlet. They don’t usually keep it open on Sundays but we managed to call them and use some contacts to arrange for that to happen. Mainly, the village Sirumugai is famous for the “cora patu” saris, the place is known for its sari weaving and the same has been the scene since Tipu Sultan’s time in the 18th century.

Cora Patu is a essentially a cotton fabric with certain amount of glaze and can give a beating to a regular silk sari if woven well, we were lucky to find many saris to our liking. The fabric is mixed with silk thread to create variety and the work usually done on the saris is the traditional “zari” work or pattu as it is known. The modern trend is to mix it with jute fabric to create modern designs on the pallu. These saris with jute fabric are the most alluring variety for a regular sari shopper, the demands change when shopping is done for an occasion of wedding or something similar, where silk is the preferred fabric.

The saris were priced at least 30-40% cheaper than the commercial showroom price anywhere in Coimbatore. It was all worth the effort even though today seemed to be darn hot day with some humidity in the air, in the heat of it all our job was done to satisfaction and we came back with a bag full of saris - for friends and family all alike. Remember the name “Sirumugai” in case you happen to visit the Ooty region or have an eye for traditional saris.

My First Experience at the Guillotine!

2010-05-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

I was two months old in the institution, handling pre-op formalities - patient work up, preliminary examination and deciding IOL powers. He usually started the OT after 10:00 AM but that day due to unforeseen domestic events he decided to turn up at 8:30 AM and none of our patients were ready; some had pending work-up, others had other issues & the rest had not turned up. He decided to give a proper servicing to everyone that day. He started with pulling a fellow-in-optometry by his arm from the corridor into the office and gave him a neat verbal thrashing, the chief optometrist was included in the groove and was reminded of his pay scale and responsibilities.

He came up to the ward after having crushed the enemies at the lower levels and gave the ward sisters a big chunk of what he was already very eagerly distributing. When he gives it - he is very eloquent and sounds thoroughly rehearsed, it must have taken him years to master this. He then entered the OT and distributed the OT staff also a bit of what he had in abundance at the moment. After having fumed it out quite a bit he must have realized that he was missing something, missing something sorely. He then called the doctor in-charge of pre-op - ME.

Outside the changing room of the OT he started with swaying the OT list in the air asking me each time why I didn’t go to him every evening with the OT list of the next day and if I thought he was big-fat-fool or a bloody fool. I have never ever even for a second thought that he was a fool, I couldn’t have come from miles away to get trained under a fool, forget being bloody or big and fat. He started switching the fan on and off fervently, each time asking me if I understand what he is trying to say and as to why I have let the situation happen. It all directly struck the speech centre in my brain. He called up my academic boss also and look him in the groove for arbitrary reasons.

I felt not as sad as I felt being “shot-at”. I knew I should be wounded and hurt but then I knew within the core of my heart that I was only a martyr. Anyway… we all went on through the day doing our jobs as assigned. In the evening he tried to be sticky-sweet to me and that is when I had tears my eyes. The next day while taking rounds he wished me very warmly giving a sugary smile and again my eyes were wet. He did that quite a few times in the future too and each time I wanted to cry. What is it about men making up for their mistakes that is so moving and heart-wrenching?

Before I conclude : “Long live my boss, he is a true champ!”

Working my way out in South India

2010-04-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

• Started working out after a lifetime, it has been two weeks now. Innumerable are the joys of introducing your body to lactic acid just once a day, it insanely but truly gives your life a higher purpose and motivation to not just go on but fight it out. Besides it being “your” time where you can think, plan and even shake-a-leg not just like nobody is watching but truly with nobody watching it saves you the trouble of having to think how to kill spare time and teach important lessons in time management! So much for a healthy start.

• One of the greatest joys of living in south India is a ready supply of the tastiest coconut water. It costs just about 12 rupees and you get to eat the pulp too! While I am typing this info I realise that all of the vendors I have stopped by have been females(as it is for so many other things here in Tamil Nadu), generally way above their middle age chopping the green heads with a warrior like glory, tucking in the money with little insecurity while giving you a smile that says “I am glad you stopped by”. I may be dramatising it a little but I truly have no bad impressions.

• Dreams get crushed when they are not renovated timely some argue. I don’t totally disagree, if you have a childhood dream, a NREM sleep following that only to open your eyes into adulthood - don’t blame the nature! Dream with your eyes open, sleep is more a necessity than a way of life.

Simple joys!

2010-04-22T10:38:00.001-07:00

For most part of my life I thought forwarding messages over the phone or even emails was all such a fruitless and unimaginative thing do to. Lately I discovered the joy of doing it, either I am becoming lame or it is actually not-so-bad. I spend my free-time in the hospital shuffling up the messages I get and send them across to select people. I get an awesome response in return most of the times and luckily most messages are good to read, though some are boring and blah…

With this whole exercise has come on the surface a concept that was alien to me so far - “Keeping in Touch”! It is such a handy and joyful thing to do - just keeping in touch with people you choose to. And wow! It need not be out-of-sight-out-of-mind anymore. It is nice to grow old with some people always around you and the more stranded you are the more you relish it. I just wonder why the simpler things in life don’t strike me as they come. Its amazing if I sit and think about the obvious-that-never-occurred-to-me list.

Another one of those things would be “Reading before the class about what is going to be taught in the class!” I never took my role as a student very seriously in life but still I had an itch to learn sometimes and read about certain things. Now that I get to use what I learn on my patients, it is motivation-unlimited. I want to know the right way to do things, I read a bit before each class and it feels good sitting there now. I wish my brain starts developing in an orderly fashion now, before the lightening strikes and I realize its too difficult to die with a brain on your sleeve!

My Name is Khan

2010-04-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching “My Name is Khan” and I am all impressed. How did it get so much flak? or was it actually liked? I am not aware and frankly I don’t care. I think it is one made from the heart. The whole issue had to be addressed. I think Karan Johar has done it well, one of the more intellectual directors could have done it too but I don’t think those people would have struck the chord like he has, his treatment is basic whether it is the emotions or the understanding of the issue. To drive a point home, the movie works well. I enjoyed watching it, I recommend it to all who think they are secular. It moved me to melt, it’ll do the same to you too.

Men, movies and motivation!

2010-04-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

Its a man’s world, at least here in India. There are some things that a man does best - looking for accommodation, sorting out bills, getting meters installed to arranging for a table at a packed restaurant. It is not a question of who can or who cannot but is about working well in your natural realm of responsibilities and complementing each other. To the wise it may sound cliché but to someone like me it is a revelation (for someone who has spend all the years not bothering much to understand the difference and the so-called divide).

Saw “Chance pe Dance” yesterday, a movie that could have been good only if… the need to replace Genelia is palpable throughout the flick, more dance sequences, better choreography, better music etc etc. I still thought it was a better watch than the “Clash of the Titans”. A clash of logic. A desperate movie from start to finish, trying hard to please and falling short of logic by a significant aeon. I heard it is a remake after being made once in 1981, why remake!

One must start considering exams a part of life to be able to deal with them naturally, otherwise the amount of havoc they cause in a normal man’s life goes unjustified. Yours truly cannot see any logic behind giving your best in an exam and failing to do that in everyday life. So being good and being prepared is a good idea for having a fruitful living, in bargain one may in the process sail through exams too.

Pleasing people

2010-04-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

What is it about pleasing people that is addictive? I am not talking of pleasing them by doing what you don’t but by going out of your way and falling outside your mood swing. I find it very hard to refuse simple requests or any “request”. Does it give me any pleasure? No. Does it ever get counted in my favour? No. Do I regret it sometimes? Yes. Will I ever do it again? Yes.

Being hot, white and prolate is not all that makes idli what it is. It tastes good when it is creamy and served with good quality chutney. I think I had the best idli of my life today, thanks to Dosa Plaza.

Ramblingly yours!

2010-04-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

1. These are again days of incoherent thinking and nothing that has struck me so far is of any social or moral consequence, full of such thoughts will be this post.

2. I hate tests. I have a test coming up on Wednesday, I hate it when people tell me to “do well”. I don’t dwell under pressure. If I ever have to write my autobiography it will be titled “Story of a girl who hated tests!”

3. Planning and thinking is half the fun but when you realize that you have booked your tickets for a wrong date, planning is all the fun that you had. So good planning goes a long away in making it a happy life.

4. Thodi shero shayari ho jaye -
Us bewafa ki yaad mein jaam hatho mein utha liya
Us bewafa ki yaad mein jaam hatho mein utha liya
.
.
.
.
Phir uthai bread. Lagaya jam aur fatafat kha liya!!!

5. This could have been a 5 year old female’s blog post. My original blog page is http://n-all-dat-jazz.blogspot.com

6. Like how kindness of kind people is their state of being. Fatness is the state I am living in right now.

Memories of Childhood

2010-03-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Those are very rare moments when I miss my childhood. I have mostly always wanted to grow up fast and I am liking it so far, I always knew that I needed more sense and that I would not be completely happy until I relieved my self of some worldly shackles.

Today one emergency case reminded me of my childhood quite terribly - a father had come with her 8 year old daughter who had an accident with the blade of a fan that ran across her closed left eye. Thankfully the eye per se is quite alright with a bright cornea except a few wounds on the lid, as I broke the news to the father that your daughter’s eye is quite alright (which looked severe because she could not open it due to the edema), he broke down. He sat himself down on the chair and cried a few tears and said, “I am happy doctor”. I cannot explain in words how I felt in that moment. We dressed the girl’s wounds and called them back tomorrow evening.

I was deeply engrossed thinking of the times when my dad would panic if I got hurt anywhere around my face, he was so worried that I should not have any mark on my face that tells a painful story. I can remember myself feeling more worried for dad’s concern rather than crying out of pain. I miss those times when I was putty in the hands of my parents, the warmest and the most trusted source of unconditional love for me that always will be.

Looney - Mooney!

2010-03-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

What completes the circle?
A piece that fits in just fine to bring you back to the start.
Ironic! Don’t miss the lesson.

I was looking at the half moon today and wondering whether it looks like a phaco-fractured nucleus. The moon (as a whole) i now believe looks like a nucleus that has been delivered into the anterior chamber. Amaavas ki raat ho ya aphakic aankh! Poornima ka samaa ho ya pseudophakia!
Save me, im losing it quick.

Tit-bits

2010-03-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have not been thinking fruitfully these days, was busy socializing which is rare for me but its fun when it happens. I think the whole point is that socializing disturbs me or upsets my routine so much that it takes the focus away from the current issue. So subconsciously i avoid socializing. Also the formalities involved make most events boring.

Saw "The Hurt Locker" today and despite the accolades world-over, it is an extremely slow paced flick which needs immense patience to watch. Some scenes towards the end are gut-wrenching and thought provoking but sitting through it for so long for a normal person with reasonable motivation may be difficult.

Good luck gone bad

2010-03-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

I made a big incision, tunneled deeper in one half and entered the anterior chamber pre-maturely, rest of the steps become complicated. What ever I am writing, let me vent it out. I messed up my chance today, not easily forgivable. I’ll try though!

Did you know that at least 560 million tonnes of grains stored by the government in gunny bags covered by plastic sheets(in Punjab) actually goes rotten and unfit for human consumption. The SEZs, the wastage, the over-eating and now the sheer carelessness which if it has to be ranked comes on the top of the list of food-grain crimes!!!

The wastage amounts to 10% to 15% of the total food grain in the country. Any country- please try and beat that! Most ridiculous is that the ministers seated in front of the cameras wearing their ujala whites questioning the government. (!) Who, I ask, is the government? I thought I knew it was nobody else but US and especially THEM. We need to improve our storage capacity and modality. Please knock on the heavens door for some poor children in the country who don’t yet know there is something called “government” and “irresponsibility” overtaking everything we own!

A Thinker

2010-03-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to be a “thinker” in Tamil Nadu, easy to be intelligent. I am afraid I am making a generalized statement here but iv been here for slightly more than an year now and I haven’t yet seen a thinker around me. I am not talking of celebrities and people who were nurtured outside the state but of people I meet here everyday. They are fed with sincerity and studious impetus, they grow up having made a mark academically but as a thinker, nope!

One notable exception would be Kamal Hassan who defines a genre by being himself. He had his children before he got married and got married because that was the only way he could have his spouse(s) stay with him because that is what they wanted from him. Now that is a daredevil stunt is a state that punishes a Khusboo for saying she doesn’t see any harm in pre-marital sex. She, by the way, thus broke free of Tamil’s shackles straight into NDTV and other intellectual groups instantaneously! Kamal Hassan also makes a lot of relevant remarks every time he opens his mouth, his means may seem controversial but he hit’s the nail on the head each time.

Here people find it very difficult to break the clichés. It may be so in many other places in India but not with this intensity. I’ll write some other time about why it is important to question the cliché unless the reader is a “thinker” and already knows. Think people, don’t just plan!

I reserve my opinion to those who dont matter

2010-03-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

Women reservation bill has been passed in the upper house and my reaction is very neutral, I was never a feminist and neither am I insensitive but I think like many many others do too that we don’t this reservation or any other, we only need education- all minorities and all sexes need to be let out. The way to bring anyone out of the shadow is to let them free and let them decide what they want to be, it can never be done by making success available. An all fair exam for all the students and then ranking based on marks, a fair election of the people who think they have within them to change the tide based on popularity.

We need education, not reservation. Survival of the fittest will follow in fair terms soon enough.

IPL is on. I am supporting “Rajasthan Royals”. It is out of my love for Jaipur and also the state that is full of most innocent,nice people.

Finally luxury

2010-03-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

I have lived away in hostel(s) for almost 16 years now and i never had any peripheral posting. I may have to see 80 patients a day here but i get to sleep like a caterpillar in the best hostel accomodation i have ever been alloted. I never imagined to live as comfortably when removed from city pleasures and at the same time away from home. I am happy so far though desperately waiting for surgeries. They too shall come my way i know. Trivial as it may seem a while later, im enjoying the moment.

Of family and love...

2010-03-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

Family and festivals are incomplete without one another. Being there for family is something that I have learned to cherish lately, I always knew the do’s and don’ts but I never knew ‘why’. I think I do know now, family members bring each other up to bide by tough times and to share the happy ones. It is a complicated social structure if one really thinks about it but its simplicity lies in the fact that love keeps it together like it does any other relationship. I believe there should never be another reason for staying together if it is not love.

long time!

2010-03-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

I had been away from everything official for a while, was at home for holi and other things. Shifting in a day or two for my two month long peripheral posting. Kinda looking forward to it. Right now in relation to my article called "Crisis" i can say that instead of preventing crisis i added to it by wasting food while at home, wasting by not throwing it away but by eating it all in excess. That is utter wastage of food, so dont waste food and if possible eat less ( straight face).

I hate to be back at work and everything related to work. I need to at home with my family, after all these long years of staying away from parents I dont understand why now it has started hurting me so much, i want to be there with them and help them with everything. Yes i want to eat nice food too but that is (trust me) secondary. I cannot wait to go to bed any further. More news and thoughts later. Good Night!

Big Deal!

2010-02-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

The aftermath of conjunctivitis is dryness. Artificial tears don’t work like real tears at all, know that! Wet eyes are truly wet only when they are really wet.

What is the big deal about money? It is proven that it doesn’t make you happy , it sure adds up in providing credibility and footage. Pretty doesn’t make happy and rich doesn’t make peace. I remember, in Delhi when I was studying hindi as a subject, my teacher whom I admired immensely, discussed a novel called “Kaali Aandhi” with us, it talks of a man who is a teacher and a woman who is a politician and is on the verge of winning herself a place in the scheme of things. They have been married to each other, the monetarily poorer one gets ignored and is made to feel lost in comparison. He is happy being the way he is and she is successful. The whole novel talks of the difference between the two and the comparison which belittles the man‘s existence. Through the book one feels only pity for the husband while one has contempt for the wife.

My teacher then asked a question that still rings in my head very often: “What is the measure of success? Why is the man unsuccessful when all he ever wanted to do was to teach? How is he less successful than a political leader?”

I have looked at success from the teacher’s perspective ever since, it is only co-incidental that I too immensely enjoy teaching. I still cannot fathom the mental bias then, what is the big deal!!!

CRISIS!!!

2010-02-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

I was shocked today morning when I went to this super-market kind of place to buy shampoo that I had run out of and saw a packet of moong dal, our normal whole moong dal weighing something like 200 gms or so priced at 18 rupees??? Its cheaper to eat soap and drink shampoo!

What are we coming down to… I asked around the whole day, its so sad that I didn’t know already, that all the dals are priced around 100/- now. Sugar at 45/- & milk at 30/-. How is an average man supposed to cope up? Or are there no average men left out there? Everyone is nano-ing through the post 6th pay commission era! Has everyone just realized that they are only going to live a short while so might as well have fun, be insensitive and ruin to the hilt so that by the time the balance gets tilted they are already out of the rut!

I mean in places like Haryana where we have such fertile land, it almost feeds the whole nation ( together with Punjab) with nearly three crops a season (i.e. if one is willing to put in the hard work) and they are taking off this golden land to make housing areas, industries and even worse the 6-lane highways! Who is willing to zoom along with empty stomach? Not me, not me for sure.People who I know very close, family and friends have houses sprawling over acres inside their farms or what they called “farm-houses” in the real sense until delhi started making them commercial and renting them out for parties etc. where farm house is synonymous with banquet hall now. The SEZ cut out in Haryana in the past few years are unbelievably fertile areas, where the hell did the gurgaon come up from? That was all land that could have fed the same number of people who live over there now. Everybody wants a job in front of the computer screen and Ac cabins, is that the key to survival!

I feel so stuck, the worst part is I cant do much about it sitting right here. All I can think of is -
1. Stop such a line of thought where ever you come across it
2. Don’t waste food, every morsel counts
3. Respect agriculturists, don’t make them feel bad about not being able to type on the key-board, instead learn how they get the basic job done
4. Use as much natural stuff as possible, go out and connect with the rural ends of the country!!!

Bless me!

2010-02-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

Bacterial conjunctivitis was the order of the day. Why? Because I was down with it, not down really but yes my right eye is swollen and blazing with the havoc staph aureus must have caused. Get well soon buddy! Thank you.

Have not been able to recruit a single patient for my study right now because my criteria remains very stringent and a special procedure needs to be done. Some one has to bless me right away to get it started.

I realized only today that there are no, I repeat “NO” fat people in the entire hospital… oh how I love them and how loveable they make a place look. Chubby and flabby is ok. What we need here and those truly, cutely over-weight ones with whom you can develop an instant bond. You I don’t know for sure but I sure do. Eat, hog till your breath runs out while I catch up on some ab crunches!!! Kill me if u please…

Firaaq

2010-02-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

Good Sunday again. I was on duty, saw around 50 patients in the morning until afternoon and took 3-4 emergencies, mostly foreign bodies, acute allergies etc. Went ahead and had a Punjabi lunch followed by hot Gulab-jamun and a walk through shoe stores. Saw a nice movie in the evening called “Firaaq” by Nandita Das.

“Firaaq” is an extremely sensitive and simple movie with a gripping story-line, based on the backdrop of Gujarat violence the movie by itself doesn’t have much violence. It is one with 4-5 parallel stories and each one of them are extremely sensitive in their content. Characterization is one of the highlights and each character remains true to the heart of the movie, characters are all is life-sized with well worked out details. Hats off to Nandita Das. I was expecting a mediocre show from the great actress and was braced up for a slow watch, the kind that requires patience of at least half the world. I was wrong. The storytelling is riveting from the very beginning, at least compared to what one usually gets to see in this genre. I did not budge until it got over. Again this one is high(est)ly recommended!

Reading “ Adrian mole’s Cappuccino years”… its fun. I start with my thesis work this week. All the best to me. Thank you.

Eye-call

2010-02-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

I went for an eye-call yesterday afternoon to a place called Annur which is 30km away from the city. Eye-call is a call the relatives of the deceased make when one has donated his or her eyes seeking their removal before its too late. The deceased man yesterday was an 85 years old bachelor who died a natural death. It was a very well mannered arrangement, they let us do the enucleation in peace and co-operated well. It was my first independent enucleation visit, it’ll be barbaric to say that I enjoyed it but then I didn’t mind it at all.

We have totally turned to eating firangi dinner everyday, its been cold pasta and bread for a long time now. If not that then it’s a semi-French toast with coffee. Kahan gaye woh garam phulke aur tadke waali dal, rajma-chawal, kadi-chawal… waiting to go home! Slllluurrrp….

Busy-boring!

2010-02-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

Busy days too can get pretty boring. One is doing decent work but one is bored because there is no limit to push or nobody to share the chatter with because everyone else is busy too. I have a presentation on Saturday on Optic disc examination in Open Angle Glaucoma, it is a good topic with very interesting observations to explore. Diagnosing things clinically can beat most good feelings, of course one feels foolish sitting in front of the high definition gadgets and diagnosing trivial stuff, anyone could do that, it is the most mechanical thing to do and boring as hell!!!

Ishqiya...

2010-02-08T10:47:00.000-08:00

Now this may seem like a blog that caters to movie-reviews alone and personal jinxes once in a while. Nonetheless “Ishqiya” can blow you away with its rustic charm- two uber cool dudes from west U.P. and a promiscuous seductress complete with its ever-enchanting music. I can’t stop humming “Dil to bachcha hai ji”. The dialogues are to die for. Vidya Balan may never do better than this again, Arshad brings new hope and Naseeruddin Shah re-affirms the supremacy. High(est)ly recommended to one and all. Dar lagta hai kho na jaaye kahin…iiinnnnn…. Dil to bachcha hai ji.

I unattended the conference held in the hospital yesterday, it was one for optometrists and it is basically organised to attract fellowship students. Oh man! the amount of fuss these people created about me not having been there throughout. Kids or what! Everyone needs to go and get a life. It wasn't a priority in my list and I pretty much stand by it. I had no academic and gastronomic interest in it whatsoever. I have been attending their classes for over an year now and what i didn't learn in one year i believe i could not have learned in one day especially if my intentions remain the same. Oh fuss! Why me!!!

fahid!

2010-02-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

I was watching the star screen awards last night and it was fun, bollywood remains a favorite past-time and actors the biggest commodity. Shahid was looking cute as hell, his performance rocked too, wish I could dance like him and wish I had the time to try and see if I actually can. Two more years and im going to get it all back. The time to dance and improve at it, I am stuck at the same level and thus have gone bad in time since the past five years. Lekin iraade abhi bhi buland hain aur jaan abhi bahut baaki hai!

Reading “The Great Gatsby” by Fitzgerald right now, quite enjoying it but I get to read a max of 20 pages a day, not complaining. A class on “Exodeviations” tomorrow morning, good bye and good night.

Mishaps

2010-02-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

I find it extremely difficult to sit and study even if it is my favorite subject. Dry reading requires a lot of tangible hard work, I hate it. I have not been ‘there’ several times because I could not Dry Read and it has never hampered my growth much till now but this time if I don’t make it I will not get my PG degree and a lot is at stake this time because without that I cannot practice what I enjoy most- ophthalmology. I’ll find out ways to sort it out while suggestions and ideas are welcome and much needed…

By the way I did my first complete cataract surgery 2 days back and just when it was going to become the happiest day of my life I made a posterior capsular rent while inserting the lens and all my happiness got drained and soaked the mask. Yeh ishq nahi aasaan bas itna samajh le…bas aag ka darya hai aur doob ke jaana hai! How badly I want to complete it successfully sometime but brakes have been applied as here we miss a chance if we mess up. Shit! Shoot! Shucks!

I watched “The Simpson’s movie” this Sunday and of course I loved it. Besides I shopped for sarees, it is such a pleasure doing it in Coimbatore. They have here the best of silks and cottons. Oh what joy browsing through them and in fact it has been one my favorite Sunday activities for the past one year. I bought three of them…cannot wait to wear ’em.
So long.

Servicing day!

2010-02-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

Today was what we call as "PG servicing day" in the hospital. A friend last saturday was caught not knowing a certain treatment strategy, she got caught badly and everyone came in the loop. Today they have been getting serviced from various authorities in the hospital, i escaped because i am not posted here... the senior consultants have an exclamation mark on thier faces as if god knows what fell down on earth from the broken skies...

The ultimate blunder my friend committed was not knowing that she has to give "Sodium Chromoglycate" in an allergic conjunctivitis... it could be a serious thing but it isn't because in fact one can treat allergic conjunctivitis without its help. What is the whole fuss about? I have a presentation coming up on wednesday morning. Am i dead beacuse they have decided???

Lets hope not... Uff! I am well past that stage in life when scoldings had a meaning. Now the damn word "Scolding" doesn't mean a thing to me. Its too late in life to tell me to start studying seriously or do this and do that because good students are supposed to do that. Its too late to teach me the goody goody way of life, i mean i may study a lot but it'll never be because my tutor told me to... These grown-ups man!

Shantaram

2010-01-29T10:12:00.000-08:00

There are few books that I have enjoyed reading as much as “Shantaram” by Gregory David Roberts. An exceptional journey undertaken by a mortal, 10 lifetimes packed together and an alive conscience throughout. I just finished reading the book second time over within a span of almost two and a half years since I have possessed it. I wouldn’t want to be like him, not that I can be like him even if I wanted. The fact is that we all mess up and simultaneously our conscience shuts down on us… it is amazing when you read this book and realize how simple things could be if you could still act normal in dire situations. Glorified offenders, beautiful disloyal people, love at odd places with odd people culminating oddly, a pacey city, a fearless mind and friends in all shapes and kinds - there is world of promise in this book! Grab a copy now if you have not read it yet.

Camp

2010-01-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

Suddenly yesterday evening i got the information that i will need to attend a camp today. It was at southern railways hospital at Podanur. A green, homely looking hospital with a formal superintendent and grumpy, fat staff nurses in the duty room who make getting emotional look like indiscipline. The medical officer who joins there can do it with a walk-in interview and get paid 30 thousand rupees per month on contract basis, contract lasting for one year.

We were served coffee and cake at the outset itself followed by a coffee break a few hours later served with spinach patties followed by a final lunch break with biryani, lemon rice and curd rice. We screened all of 300 people including children and found 120 defective people who were referred to the hospital for serious treatment and send the rest having minor problems with appropriate eye drops. All this being done by myself as the doctor and an optometrist and two nurses from our hospital. We also recieved a standard token of appreciation in the form of a golden plate with engravings on it and a bouquet of flowers. ( i remember every event of my life foodwise...)

It was my first experience of having conducted a camp all by myself. I quite enjoyed it and felt immensly useful, the reason why i wanted to become a doctor and do the specialization course seemed worthwhile. I look forward to many such camps only i wish this time my sunday is spared else it'll be 28 continuous working days for me. Doesn't sound nice at all. Lets watch!

Of tears and dreams...

2010-01-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

I am back to treating poor patients from tomorrow morning. Enough of the Multi-focal IOLs and LASI(c)K business! Glad to go back to my old taatas(granpa) and taatis(granma). Who very often come and scream at me saying things like:

" Why dont you get married? I'll pray for you."

"How many times will i have to come to you? Cant you see my eyes are watering more than usual. You cant even treat that."

"I got the operation done but i still cant directly look at the sun."

"Give me some eyedrops." I say: What is wrong with your eyes? " Nothing much" I say: Is it irritating? (nod-yes) Watering? ( nod-yes)... I give up. Thanks to lubricating eye drops, they save me.

Watering, may i tell you, in old age is one of the most difficult things to treat, these people have no lid abnormalities or infections. Just watering... Are they crying i wonder? None of their children seem to bring them along for check-ups, i mean very few do. They come with their spouse or neighbours or relatives. I wouldn't be surprised to know they actually are. To add to the misery i supplement them with lubricating eye drops, they say eyes tend to go dry with age. Who knows!

Grey Gardens

2010-01-24T10:03:00.001-08:00

Another packed sunday! Morning OPD ...emergencies... through two diametrically opposite movies ... health food and regular sleep. Of medical interest would be an acute angle closure glaucoma which got tough to handle because the lady would vomit out the glycerine given to her. The others were foreign body, acute allergy etc.

Movies :) were "Grey Gardens" and "The Hang Over". Grey Gardens can give a beating to Revolutionary Road in being so utterly depressing ... good cinema, brilliant cinema nonetheless and i am glad i saw it. "The Hang Over" makes up for all the week's depressing happenings, a guys flick but i enjoyed it too, its edgy, its fun and its las vegas!

Our champs are returning tomorrow from Kolkata and im dreading the sessions with them and the scrutiny... I have done quite a bit of work the past 5 days but then its better than doing half of it with double the pressure. Good luck to me and to all who start an important week ahead!

Boring...

2010-01-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

What is it about useful work that is tiring? What is it about useless work that is boring?
Immoderacy must be the answer.
When I am loaded with patients to see I love it because I am putting myself to some use, honing my skills, it is tiring and sometimes bugging when you see you are being loaded while others while away their time with the immediate rewards being disproportionate. It is then that I hope to be free enough to be able to do things I like doing. On the other hand when I am free I get bored out of my skull because whether I read a novel or gossip or browse the internet the boredom seeps in and makes each cell of my body feel dull. Of course I prefer the former any day, screw the rewards!

I like the feeling of being on the move I guess, even when I gossip I look forward to getting somewhere with the conversation whether it is the topic, the motive or the person I am talking to. Its being taken for granted that I detest and whenever I pray for uselessness it is only to avoid that.

Human beings are complex… think I should shun ophthalmology and run for Nirvana instead!

Revolutionary Road to Love Story

2010-01-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

Revolutionary road, everybody’s nightmare put in a movie. I hate the way it hit’s the nail on the head and hits it hard. Makes good cinema but leaves one hollow inside-out! It’s a movie for a day when one is feeling too excited and wants a resourceful moderation to resolve the endogenous mydriasis.

People are leaving for Kolkata tomorrow to attend AIOS meet 2010. Kolkata has always seemed an extremely inviting idea. Something about the way the culture comes alive, something about the things that keep its people ticking and the food that keeps them licking ( :) that was just to make it rhyme!). I mean look at pooja celebrations and the symbolization of goddess Durga. Look at the chenna sweets, the actors and authors and their sensibilities. I like most of it, I am sure there will be enough argument on the flip-side too and I am not in a mood for any kind of moderation right now.

Next four days are going to be full of extended duty hours followed by a Sunday duty. I am not quite bothered. Will take it as it comes. I need to watch a happy movie sometime soon.

“Look, Jenny, can we just forget it?”
“Thank God you’re hung up about your father,” she replied. “That means you are not perfect.”
“Oh- you mean you are?”
“Hell no, Preppie. If I was, would I be going out with you?”
Back to business as usual.

Intermission!

2010-01-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

Iv been yapping away continously for more than a fortnight now... just a short lull from my side to break the monotony!

Everybody's Sunday

2010-01-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

I know it is very obvious but I realized only today how I feel or better still how a consultant feels when he or she is put on a Sunday duty or an off time job! (Iv been on such duties for 6 months now). How about us being left alone to have a whole Sunday to ourselves to eat-out, go shopping, see places of interest or travel for that matter… everyone longs for it unless everyday of yours is a Sunday.

Have you ever thought about how those people who keep the market place open, the people who cook for you, keep the shops open, drive you around etc must be feeling. It is everyone’s Sunday. They have a family, relatives and plans just like you and me do. I am very unsettled with the thought that I was so inconsiderate until now. It took a patient who came to the emergency today for me to realize it, while leaving he said “ Thank you doctor, you are the only place open on a Sunday. Thank you very much for your time”. It set me thinking… and I am suddenly but surely grateful to all the people who have helped me have a good Sunday!

I suggest a little acknowledgement in the form of a thank you would not hurt anyone when we see someone slog out to make sure we are having a good time! Think about it.

Insaaf...

2010-01-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

I may sound extremely boring how i write my routine everyday but then i dont want to miss a day intentionally... no iv put no compulsions on myself, its just that when you are typing, something worth-while flows out once in a while so im willing a live-on to see such moments of truth come alive! Waiting...

I went at 8:30 and returned at 2300, working for my boss's presentation the whole day. Insaaf chahiye mujhe! The man is leaving on monday evening and has half his stuff pending, i mean he does talk extremely well but never cares too much about his familial history of cardio-vascular diseases. Always on the edge! Always on the move!

His EDP assistant is planning out the 5 hour halt he'll get at chennai day after tomorrow when he plans to go straight and hit the BAR and switch off his cell phone ( in his own words!)
Responsibilty is a very bad thing to have indeed!

Caught a cold!

2010-01-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

I caught a cold. Edited more clips and did more presentation work my boss today. The OPD was relatively light and people were largely free, only my freedom was charged and grabbed! I could have settled with a novel today and enjoyed myself. By the way i finished watching "the reader" today evening... LOVED IT!! Hugely recommended if you havent watched it already...

My nose is blocked and head is heavy. Id rather tuck myself in n get good sleep... G'night!

Colour Purple

2010-01-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

It was a normal day except the ring of “Happy Pongal” in the ears until evening… again due to most of the staff being on leave I was sent to OT ( the freelancer that i am) where there were vitrectomies and phacos and pterygiums were going on. There was a pooja in the hospital temple and prasad was distributed which was “Sweet Pongal” of course. Good stuff it was. In the evening we went out roaming, went to hunt for some genuine pongal celebration in terms of decorations or food stuff. We live in too urban a locality, I guess, to have witnessed the true spirit of pongal and too tired to go anywhere far off.

Then we window shopped! I am a window shopper of the highest order, we saw some amazing foot wears at Metro, atleast 4 of them. It was a good trip. No one makes purple T-shirts better than Benetton and that is a fact, purple has always ruled Benetton ( or vice-versa) and they keep getting better at it. Ate some good food at Agarwals. Talking of trips like this, I miss Wakaru and our window shopping sprees in gangtok…we would do it even when our arms would start aching after shifting hundreds of clothes-hangers and stuff ourselves with food thereafter until we gagged ourselves. Good days they were and good days they are.

The only glitch is that I have mostly forgotten my nepali, all the language centres of my brain are now occupied by Tamil and tamil alone. My hindi will never get tinged im firm and I cringe at the thought of having any residual accent in my English… of course I do imitate the local people just for fun but it has started beguming a beeg problem. Aiyyo devvamme! Hetch - yee - ell - bee ( H -E -L- P) me zumone , guick!

...

2010-01-13T10:27:00.001-08:00

LASIK the whole day... i began watching "The Reader" in the evening but hunger interrupted and we made some pasta in the room, with food started gossip and with gossip flew time. The movie looks promising, i might complete it tomorrow. Will write an opinion hence.
Pongal, like i mentioned yesterday, is big time "On" here and im looking forward to some good food tomorrow. My life would be a bore if it was not for food, food keeps me sane and occupied.

Pongal

2010-01-12T10:24:00.000-08:00

Phobia is luxury that few can afford. Around 2 months back I was handling the refractive surgery system and I messed up one of the cards essentially due to wrong timing. It was an unintended but expensive loss, I was phobic of handling the same thing again and I would retract just when I had to insert it. 14th of January is “Pongal” and most people are on leave so I am going to have to do it all by myself now. My phobia will end tomorrow, not by choice though.

Talking of Pongal, it is a major festival in this part of the country. Originally the word Pongal in tamil means “to boil”. It is a harvest festival which lasts typically for 4 days and the nature is thanked for the harvest and all the elements that help producing it… Pongal for us here, everyday, stands for a popular breakfast - made out of rice and dal with ghee (what we call chichi up north), it is also made sweet with jaggery and I like it sweet. Infact I love it sweet, it is something similar to what is called “Laapsi” in rajasthan. Ah food, I could go on and on…but it is Good Night for now. See ya tomorrow.

Intelligence

2010-01-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

The whole day,today, in front of the computer screen. I edited 32 videos for my boss who has around 20 presentations at the AIOS conference 2010 Kolkata. Its an Afro-Asian conference combined with AIOS( All India Ophthalmic Society) this year. So i did this thankless job the whole day and segregated the videos at the end of the day for him to conveniently browse through them. Man! PG is so much different from graduation.

Tomorrow im sure he'll call me and say " No...i mean you have done a very good job but i was thinking if could shorten it further and yet include all important steps." I will say "Sure sir" and another day will go in his service. Secretly, but not overwhelmingly, i do enjoy doing it for him and i do put in my best. I have always enjoyed extra-curricular stuff, whatever it may be. I definitely enjoy the visual media most.

Did you know there are total of 9 types of intelligence ( scores are for me in each category):

Linguistic (7/10)

Logical/ mathematical (4/10)

Musical (7/10)

Spatial (6/10)

Kinesthetic (8/10)

Interpersonal (8/10)

Intrapersonal (8/10)

Naturalistic (5/10)

Existential (7/10)

Lets NEVER again tell people who are not doing well academically that they are not INTELLIGENT

The beautiful "Avatar"

2010-01-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

A very action packed sunday today. Helped out a junior with sunday OPD, had heavy lunch, went for a flower show, took an emergency with perforating corneal injury and watched "Avatar" in 3D ( couldnt catch it earlier due to duty hassles).

OPD went off fine except some speculation about me coming late, i made it clear that i wasnt officially on duty and was just helping out. Lunch was purely north indian and heavy. Flower show was crazy with around 10,000 people attending it to see the flowers...we walked 6 km just to reach the venue- agri university. I couldnt get best of the pics but im going to put up some that i borrowed.

Avatar was a beautiful journey, outstanding visuals and imagination. Enough has been said about it and i dont feel any different from the rest of the world. Im ending the day with the scenes from pandora lighting up my mind, those jelly fish like creatures alighting over me and sleeping in a cocoon in a gaint tree . Joy!!!

Time

2010-01-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

Whenever someone tries to sum up a lifetime, any lifetime, it sounds like an ordeal and very common in that perspective. I mean- having lived a large number of years, having come across many people, having dealt with issues to the best of ones ability, having messed up at times and come out victorious at other times is all in itself a great task. One never has to do much to have an exceptional journey. It is finally time that gets killed and reborn again, never really people and emotions. I cant sometimes differentiate between feelings and a cool breeze and fail to figure out how a hug feels different from my most favourite pudding. The difference between human and inhuman is time.

I am very proud of my mom's decision to celebrate my nani's life rather than mourn her death, im glad she got prepared in the real sense and looked at this issue with a perspective despite feeling hollow inside and alone outside. Nobody can love you the way your mother did, everybody else has a motive. The measure of this emptiness is not possible and the clock cannot be turned around.

Dont ever miss an opportunity to hold someone's hand and make it known how precious they are, it might just fill their heart enough to be able to survive the end of time.

Another day in paradise

2010-01-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

My grandma died yesterday. Metastasis to the mid-brain did it for her... im not going home to attend the pooja 12 days later. She never wanted us to do it, she never believed in people being there when one is no more, im lucky to have met her not so long ago and to have spoken to her a few days back. My parents are keeping stable and they have the satisfaction of having looked after her well.

She has been sacrificing things all her life, never looked for personal pleasure, always looked at the good things from someone elses point of view and never posed a "me-too" situation even when it was criminal not to - most people dont care at all about what went in in that lifetime. Only crying babies get the feed they say, my nani was never one. The story of any last generation indian women. Im sure most of us think our moms are the greatest and strongest ever to have braved it all. Our moms think the same of their moms, im sure.

I have very few things to type right now- my head is clogged with emotions and heated with memories.

This and that

2010-01-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

I think the song "yeh dilli hai" from Delhi-6 is more like a mumbai song and "pardesi" from Dev D is more like a delhi song...i was listening to it while bathing ( playing one floor above me).

Did you ever realise how important an invention laser is? Ophthalmology would be dead without it. Retina , ofcourse, depends on it but oculopastics also use it for lacrimal surgeries...wow! It cuts down the operating time by 70 % and post-op recovery period too. Ofcourse it is expensive to acquire and costs a little extra to the patient too, but then again money should never come in the way of excellence! Way to go... we are waiting for laser cataract removals also!!!

No workouts have to now be compensated for by taking the stairs everytime instead of the elevator and lack of free time by preparing presentations during working hours; busy work hours by training more people in your work and thats where teaching comes into picture and its time to sleep again!

Against all odds

2010-01-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nANmPPmfn_M
Against all odds by phil collins... the most , the most "makes-you-feel-good-about-sulking" kinda song i'v ever heard. Years ago i heard it back to back for one whole day, i still haven't grown out of it. What magic in his voice and what passion weaved into words!!! Hear it if you haven't yet, the most amazing three minutes are awaiting you.
I was training a few juniors here today to perform certain tasks and i realised yet again how much i love teaching, besides being a true form of social service it extends your persona beyond material measures and the extension of the personality then sort of gives you another chance to live!
On this beautiful thought id like to turn in and contemplate a little ( also iv slept very less last night)... G'night!

Lagophthalmos

2010-01-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

I prepared for this class last week itself when it got postponed... finally tomorrow i'l present "Management of Lagophthalmos" or whatever i understand of it. For yourself just know it is a condition where one cannot close the eyes completely, its management falls under the sub-division of ophthalmology called oculoplastics or ophthalmoplastics.

Two of my seniors went missing today, which means one whole batch! I was recruited else where to perform task outside my regular duty, i enjoy almost all in ophthalmology right from LASIK to Retina so it was a fun day. I mostly did angiograms today. What really added to it was a call from a consultant's room and when i went down to see him - he shook my hand and wished me a happy new year with all honesty and asked me some mundane social questions, my heart was warmed by the gesture and i gleefully responded. On the way to his room my mind was choked with recollections of the wrong things that i must have done- a wrong prescription to a patient, missing an important finding, come late for something or stealing his sunday newspaper while he was vacationing!!! I was glad to know that his motive was only to socialize and make a friendly move. Other people made resolutions too!

The day ends with a stomach full of mayo-garlic pickle sandwiches and a mug of milk; a mind full of smiles and eyes that cannot shut themselves up completely :) See ya!

Alls good...

2010-01-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

"Bebinca" is truly delicious. It is a goan delicacy made from very simple ingredients and baked to earthy tones to get a truly delectable cinnamon flavoured sweet . My batchmate here happens to be from goa and im being introduced to things from her part of the country while i, as usual, am convincing her of the "butter and milk" way of life. Desi to the core-me! To my knowledge she has stopped missing non-veg food already ( she is chronic fish eating goan, mind you) and has discovered the freshness of salad and luxury of milk solids.

I may sound like i detest meat-eaters but that is not true, each one to their own i say...i am more than happy to have some voluntary company when i want to feed on the grease and greens.

Today i was caught reaching late to the hospital where i am posted, my immunity got the better of me and i braved another ordeal saying it doesnt happen everyday and that 10 mins dont make much difference. The prosecutor humoured me by offering an explanation, he said " it wont make a difference if you reach 10 mins late but it is about commanding discipline, if you reach late the optometrist and other staff will follow suit and it will set a bad precedent ". My incharge is no philosopher but his simple words slid straight into the wrought vault of mine. Point taken sir. Thank you sir.

By the way these posts are originally being put on "http://n-all-dat-jazz.blogspot.com

Facebook is a means to reach the familiar audience (where i import my blog)!

Sunday

2010-01-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

It was a good sunday. Morning news paper with good light breakfast and a ride around the city stopping by the most inviting cafe for a good coffee and watching a movie which i dont include in the scheme of very happy happenings. I saw "3 Idiots" again, not because i like it so much but because i wanted to accompany a friend.

The way it all ended in the movie didnt leave a good after-taste in my mouth the first time but second time over it was more digestible sans expectations! I like the whole thing the movie stood for and was being dealt with and then it becomes a circus not in entirety but in bits and in the higher meaning essentially. I have seen a Rancho in real life, Preethi (many would know her), these kinds dont stand first even if they are perfecting excellence. To get grades you and your teacher have to have a common knowledge base, books in this case. Your examiner should know what you are writing in order for him to judge you the best. Also Rancho need not have turned into Phunsuk Wangdo, the fact that he had a good school which taught children how to grow as themselves was achievement enough for an answer if any was needed. Lets not talk about the vaccuum delivery here, that gets technical. Im afraid parents should not be telling kids now- only if you were striving for excellence could have stood first in the class. Success means different things to different people. Being loosely based on Five point someone which it self was like watching movie, this turns out to be totally feel-good on very sensitive issues.

Movie of 2009 for me would be "Dev D" followed by "Paa".

Daily Learnings

2010-01-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

I cant seem to move out of a FIX sometimes...today was such a day in the new year atmosphere.
Petty issues versus big ones is a real trouble - here i was thinking of injustice and morality( after knowing about Ruchika's case) and what not when early morning my colleagues tell me 'sir is looking for you because something went wrong'... i said a BIG-SARCASTIC-THANK-YOU and moved on.
The crux of the matter is that the more closely i look at life the more it seems like a joke to me...my worry is that it has started becoming apparent now. I said "sorry" to the concerned person without meaning an iota and carried on with the same vigour and went ahead and had an excellent "mushroom-olive toast"... where is the space amongst such insanity for a costructive development?
Im becoming a Retrovirus slowly - watch out!

FIRST DAY '10

2010-01-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

Most of the day went off preparing for my uncoming class presentation on "Management of Lagophthalmos". We did have the routine of juniors going and wishing the senior people and seniors being generous enough to hear you out! There was a short talk by a famous story-teller from USA Mr. Sam Swaminathan - the motivator, on various issues that could help us run the organisation better and become competent people. I felt he had nothing new to say and no new way of saying the truth that he was saying. At the end of it all i did feel a bit guilty about not giving my best sometimes and things like that.
That brings me to my resolution (one of it) - " I WILL NOT DWELL ON THE GOOD THAT I DO". I will instead "Move-On".
My days ends now after having watched "We The People" on NDTV on the Ruchika Case issue...i was moved to tears and i am still sniffing. What luxury are we talkin about? Can we sit so immune in our cocoon while things like these happen around us? It upsets me just as much as it does when i walk out of the Charitable Hospital that i work in these days and see a 5 year old girl wash utensils as big as herself and cook for the family under the shade of a tree while they go on weaving baskets to buy the food she cooks.
I dont know what i can do but i know these people light the fire that i sometimes try to wash down with my dreams of a comfortable life. In the face of this kind of truth - What does "Luxury" mean at all?

ONE WHOLE YEAR!

2009-12-31T09:53:00.000-08:00

Alright ( to whoever cares to listen anymore!) its been one whole year since i posted anything on my beloved portal of joy!

To start with - HERES WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY 2010!!!

Now... resolutions!

My mums pretty particular about having sensible ones, for her they define growth in some way or the other. I too like the idea since its always nice to start afresh and feel new energies.

Frankly, i would love to include blogging regularly as one of my resolutions. OK, lets see, on that note may be i WILL start doing it often, not promising to entertain or update but just spillage like iv mentioned elsewhere too...

I should be called "eye-axis" now rather than "y-axis"... im into ophthalmology- as a profession!

Typing that felt good...i remember having painted a pink-colored eye some time back wondering if i will ever be able to study eye as my main subject. Im living my dream and im grateful!

So, as of now, blogging is on... and will continue. Lets make this one a "Resolutions Week" ... each day i'll write about something i want to do and will soon update on "how-much-how-far" too.

Happy New Year it is for now!

See ya soon...

Happy New Year - 2009!

2009-01-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

Wronged Demeanour

2008-10-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

Lately, a girl who passed out of class 12 this year itself consulted me casually, I presume, about her dilemma. Presently, she is into animation in a not-so-hot college. Her father insists on her going to some worthwhile place which according to him would be JNU, Delhi for a different subject while she is only interested in living it up at the moment and is in no state to consider long term options, all she wants right now is to get a life(style) and well… “freedom” - away from home and all that. I don’t blame her, neither do I blame her dad.

I earnestly put myself in her shoes and started telling her what she might end up feeling 5 years down the line if she doesn’t introspect honestly now. I told her how her priorities right now don’t reflect the true needs and how it matters very less about how stylishly you lead your life, focus should be more on how much meaning you put into it. I thought she needed to go to a place where she would get more exposure in terms of skills and opportunities and that is what I told her. She was worried about losing one year which I said would not matter much in the bigger scheme of things. She seemed to agree with me and nodded fervently at every juncture. I felt good about having helped her think a little clearly and so we parted for the moment.

The very next day, she was sitting with her friend and telling her (unfortunately within my earshot, in one breath) - “I have a big problem with doctors. Why do they end up thinking that they know all? They think everything is easy as compared to “some” MBBS that they have done…like that is the only worthwhile degree. They think all other professions are of no significance, as if! Hmpf! ”

Phew!!! I wasn’t smiling now. In the hindsight I cannot figure out a lesson to learn from here. I know, at the drop of a hat I’ll change my shoes again.

An Idle Flow

2008-10-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

A friend had called and this is how it went:

The initial hello and hi are exchanged…this and that bout work, studies asked and then I ask “What are you having for dinner?” (me being me, food is a priority- always). He replied “I’ll go out and buy something as usual” he added he was bored of what he was eating everyday. That is when I suggest ching’s instant noodles to him. They are newly launched, with a fresh flavor and are utterly Chinese. Now, on being asked, I move on to the retail chains that I thought would store ching’s products (yes, I talk mundane stuff all the time but this is interesting so read on). I tell him how “More”- a retail chain by the Aditya Birla Group is better than the rampant “Reliance Fresh”. We then move on to discussing Reliance’s on-the-face and face-off business strategies and I say “I think Reliance someday will buy the whole of Gujarat and employ Narendra Modi as a chief ”.

So goes on the conversation interestingly from Modi to the recent Nano transfer to Gujrat. The readiness, eagerness and the mess of it all. From Nano we move on to Ms Banerjee and her rueful politics. Since all the M’s were in place and the focus now shifted towards the feminine(read: feline) side we discussed Ms Mayawati too and both of us confessed that her being touted as the would-be/could-be PM (even if jokingly) gave us shivers down the spine. Then we move towards the mooted question- “Who would be our next prime minister?”. From there on to the current big fight for such a throne in the western hemisphere. Barack Obama and McCain. We thought the vice-presidential debate was in complete black and white and it was Biden’s courtesy to not have insulted Palin by words or even a glance. We now moved on to the presidential system and therefore the senators and governors of the US of A, the word governor reminds us of Arnold “I’ll-be-back” Schwarzenegger. From there on to the movies and lately the movie that I happen to have watched is Drona and I cannot stop talking about it. I generally like to talk about Drona, it is the best unintentional comedy that I think gives a tough fight to a few over-rated and immensely popular intentional ones. From Drona we shift to K K Menon’s histrionics and to his claim that he has done a better job than the “Joker” played by Jack Nicholson. From there on to plagiarism in general, to Himesh Reshammiya’s latest song that is a direct copy of a Punjabi folk song. Then to Partner /Hitch comparisons and then on to Salman Khan and a body like his. This is when my friend mentions his growing paunch and the lack of energy... and we get reminded of our hungry selves and the appetite for food bounces back with double intensity! We hurry up the good-bye, I go off to cook a packet of ching’s instant noodles and he decides to buy the regular meal again.

Good Night all.

Teach India Initiative: Encounter 1

2008-10-11T05:16:00.000-07:00

We were divided into sections according to the locality of our preference and allotted an NGO that operated in or around the given area. There were three NGOs present today and I was matched with RYSS - Rajasthan Yuva Sangam Sansthan. They were unforgivably unprepared for the orientation meet. A man and a woman were there from the organization to talk to us and tell us what they were aiming for and how could they use us to bring about the change. Alas! All they made us do was write our names and contact numbers on a piece of paper,we were told to wait for their call, also we could ask them doubts if any(?)!. They kept an ignorant unenthusiastic silence that dampened my spirit a little. Firstly they were not the “real” representatives of the NGO and they weren’t the typical I’ll-talk-you-into-our-mission kinds. We weren’t expecting to hear a lot of fine-speech from their mouth but we sure were expecting to get some kind of workable briefing on the whole issue. Before I forget to mention- the response to the initiative was quite good, a lot of people turned up, most of them were in serious minds and willing to be a part of the drive.

The TOI mediators tried their best to save the scene but they could not make up completely for the lack of NGO’s PR skills. After the dispersion the people in the office sensed my dissatisfaction and told me to attend another NGO’s briefing, I did that and was satisfied with their clear-minded initiatives. This NGO is called SIDART pronounced as “C-Dart”. Their representative was convincing and made sure we know that they have an objective frame work and that they would use our services in a proper set-up and not leave us in the wild to hunt for a prey. It sounds bad, I know, but these feelings are genuine. Very soon, hopefully, I’ll get a call from either of the two organizations and they’ll direct me about the next move.

Lessons learnt:
- its not easy to help someone if they don’t want to be helped, you need to tell them “why” before you impose your ideas on them.
- for any organization, especially a will-based/non-profit/social-service kind, it is important to have a enthusiastic PR manager as a representative, since only words speak before the work even begins to show.
- make yourself comfortable in the working scenario, its better to go full-throttle once convinced than to turn up later nibbling at the same framework you helped create.

Indian Idol 4

2008-09-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

Its Indian Idol time again. The fourth season in a row. Unintentionally I have been following it quite avidly since its beginning. During graduation days it was a TV show that pulled maximum crowd and we wouldn’t get space enough to even stand in that jam-packed “wall to wall” carpeted TV room where furious favoritism turned into fights and the likes of me who generally spoke a lot, passed a judgment on everyone but never voted!

With this season the show has come a long way, despite it being a lifted concept it has earned immense significance in the current TRP scenario. I wonder what Sonali Bendre is doing on the show though she looks good and seems to talk sense. I wouldn’t be surprised if they get Mahesh Bhatt judging in the next season, I can bet he would fight Anu Malik well. Javed Akhtar is substance from head to toe yet I think he gets biased like no one else on the show. I remember his curt remarks to Emon last season, maybe he should amend that bit especially in the final stages of the show.

Anu Malik is forever adamant and blabbering, he may have a good judgment but just how does he manage to make all that knowledge sound so vain! Kailash Kher looks modest and nice, so far nothing peculiar about him except his humility. I also think that they should replace the female host of the show- Mini Mathur with someone more intelligent and thus less judgmental herself , they(the hosts) are after all the only neutral ground in the whole battle. I want to see them come up with some innovative themes this time and an unbiased footage of every talent.

I am no big fan of live Indian singing but the formatting and the whole thing about deciding who is the best where everyone competing is willing to give their right arm for it makes me stick to the show and even relish it. I must admit here that there is something about an art-form in its pure state that fills your senses and makes you forget everything else for a while. I always feel that for every art form, music is no different. So here is looking forward to many such moments on the silver screen this season.

P.S.- I’ll try to cast a vote too this time if they push the envelope a bit further and induce transient amnesia on good number of occasions.

The silver cloud with a grey lining!

2008-09-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

Can love still exist without a deal?
Does time make anything other than money these days?
What defines need-your social standing, bodily hormones or the show that must go on?
Where is home- the place where the heart lies or the green room?

What remains of a man after he is gone are his possessions- material and human, where the humans lose their sheen the material ones get lustrous. The objects become legacy while the fondness withers. What are you more aware of- a rich man’s simple wife or his exotic mistresses? Word of mouth supports the five senses while that pumping glutton may die with you in that cage. People come, people go… money and the things that money can buy remain. You know what is immortal and what isn’t .

Makes one think how less important can money be. Could you possibly survive on stories from the past? Could you live on the fondling you got as a child? Doomed you are if you come from a prodigious background and fail to set another bench mark! Charity and love change places quicker than you can think. But why are you expected to set any mark at all? Is it because it adds to assets and power- power to be able to afford other’s price and negotiate yours. Is that what we call substance? Substance we, the potential ones, are made of.

All is gone to waste if you don’t have a home to call your own. A place to sulk, laugh, hide, exhibit and contemplate. All is gone to waste if you don’t have a partner for life to come back to, to get space from, to add to your assets and to complete a social image. All is gone to waste if you don’t have worthy progeny with saleable credentials, worthy of your property papers and your second name if it still likes the sound of it. The fact of the matter we build all through is just this- make, make and make. Make whether it takes your time, your peace or all else that you could have had.

The four letter word thus gets moulded, not lost, in this plasticized transit. Still… all is well if you are well. The loss, if any, that we register in the process will seem to be someone else’s , the transaction of the gain or loss will be quick and smooth. Soon these opposites will travel the difference and seem similar. A numbness will surround us. We will lose out on the big healer and the true guide- Time. We’ll soon slip into a slumber and pass away with a full stomach and a void in the heart. I fear all of this is happening and thus I put it here, don’t slip is all that I can plead… the world wont be worth living in with those ungrateful tears and the custom smile.

Daak- Khana

2008-09-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Recently I visited the neighborhood post-office. I had some important exam related mails to be speed-posted and was looking for the nearest post-office when a friend guided me to this ironically iconic public utility. Mine is a capital city of a prime tourist state in the country and I happen to live in a relatively plush locality. I was left half-stunned and half-amused at the sight.

Somewhere straight out of “Malgudi Days” this teeny office of the Indian Postal Department was something we have grown up watching in the movies, movies of the bygone era that is. Somewhere in the dingy lanes of this otherwise bright spacious colony was located this bollywood-ized daak-khana. A pan chewing post-master who cannot communicate in spoken words since the juices brewing, he uses sign language and inanimate sounds which you interpret as affirmative when you see that vertical nodding of head and hear a squeaky sound, a negative sound comes out more like a grunt and of course with the horizontal neck movements. A fan so slow, so huge and so high up that you cant let go of that urge to thank it for moving its blades for so many years now, for bestowing upon us the pleasure of feeling that stirred air and finally requesting it to accept retirement. The customer window was a rusted iron mesh with two rat holes so that you could insert a few fingers and grab the stationary you asked for, bigger packages like mine have to be given from the door to the man at the desk. At first he tells me “yahan speed post nahi hoti hai, registered bhej do”, I said “nahi...date nikal jayegi”. He looks at me with some degree of contempt and finally gives in, walks all the way out of the room, spits the cud and tells me on his way back (more coherently this time) to go out and receive these stamps from him through the window and paste them and come back in. I obey. He fills out the speed-post forms, three of them with no sense of hurry while I take a closer look around the office and find a brownish colored complaint book in a rusted iron holder nailed high up in the wall adorned with the remains of the last white-wash. An old pile of red cloth bounded record books, rickety furniture, empty big blue bottles of glue, a wooden handle stamp with a rather worn out ink-pad and postal insurance policy placard hung up somewhere in the corner. He finished the formalities and with a nod of the head told me “ hmm… ho gaya”.

I stepped back into 2008 and started walking with a gyrating mental state. I was confused as to what I should be feeling, excited for having visited the good old days in flesh and blood or pity at the current state of affairs. I know they should change to a more comfortable and modern setting since there is a significant number of people depending on it but at the same time I realize that there was a human quality about the things of the past, a certain personal touch to every action that exuded warmth or heat(at times),something that the microchip devices lack. I may sound old fashioned but I keep longing for that human touch in every domain of life and am mostly left disappointed. Again as I always say- the day we die we wont carry with us all the glitz but only a heart full of love that got touched in innumerable beautiful ways.

An Assay

2008-01-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

A humble king…a proud beggar…an ignorant genius…an educated fool…
I enjoy the wholeness of a being, the wholeness of life. I don’t know what convention is. I don’t know how you must feel joy at a certain time; neither do I know how you must feel bad at certain others. I don’t know how to “must-feel” at all.

Don’t tell me too much of what is mine to figure out… I know when I like something, I know when I hurt someone, I know when I lie, I know when I stand my ground…there are times when I don’t know the “why”. There are times when I wish I didn’t know the “why”. There are times I wish I was saying the truth when I say “I don’t know why”.

Impeccable is not my way… impeccable is how nothing has ever seemed to me… I don’t bother about the perfectionist claims. Perfect gets redefined with every new person and time. The ordinary inspires me, ordinary is how I want to be, ordinary is how I wish sometimes I could be.

The chosen one I am not; the assigned job I do not know. I am unique, so is everyone around me. It’s only trying to be what I already am that I try to avoid. It’s only trying to be what everyone else around me is that I am trying to avoid. It’s only “trying-to-be” that I am trying to avoid.

My dreams know no boundary; no boundary knows well to define them. They are not of this world; this world is not of them either. I wish I wasn’t stuck the way I am. I wish I was free to make what I like of what I want to. I wish I would want what I have made of things. I wish I had made things the way I wanted to.

My reasons defy logic; logic is what made me reason. I love something when I want to make it mine. I love something when it loves me back in return. I love something when it gives me a place to “BE”. I love something when it knows my mind. I love something that I am trying to define…

Cant forget that day...

2008-01-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

It was the 2^nd of April ’07…I was gearing up for my final mbbs exams…a humdrum existence it was, learning by rote had made everyday less and less exciting…my day started at around 9:30 am when I would wake up n get down to work within 30 mins…my first break for the day would come in at lunch time around 1:30 pm…boring food, usual small-talks, half-meant smiles, a regular cup of coffee and back to the grind…

But that day was special…after the food I grabbed my cup of coffee and headed back to my room, settled down with the book and suddenly it became all dark outside…like a bait that was thrown in, I stepped out in the balcony… what I saw has remained with me, etched fresh in my memory…there was thunder and the wind simply blew magic…it was one of those times when you really want to fly, just dive in from the highest possible point and wish the gravity stopped acting…I was ecstatic and my excitement defied all logic, I forgot that I ever felt dull…before I could hold myself back it had started pouring, the first big rain of the season…the kind of rain you HAVE to get wet in…I ran towards the elevator and there I was-out in the open soaking up the magic…it was a heady feeling…I walked around in the campus with people smiling at my zaniness from under their umbrella but by now they had grown used to seeing me act on impulse…it didn’t matter, I hadn’t smiled so genuinely in ages…all the rust had gotten scraped and the frame painted bright… it was the first time in my life when I felt the time should stop and leave me just the way I was-drenched, happy…

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; Behind the clouds the sun is shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
(An April Day)

Passionless success

2007-12-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

...and I always thought you cannot succeed unless you are passionate about your work. Growing up the way I did I come to realize the same-work is indeed love made visible. But what do I see around me! I look at people who have made it for the sheer drive to succeed, to attain a pedestal and have done it without liking the work involved! They haven’t loved it but all is fair in love and war they say and really-its war. Well, no complaints as such but wont you agree that “The success that doesn’t inspire is not worth applauding”.

And when you come to think of it in earnest-isn’t that the basic problem that we are facing? There are, no wonder, people in those responsible positions fervently guarding their pedestal. How you wish they did the assigned work to look precise sitting there. The repertoire that got them here will probably keep them too. The victory in this war against purpose will therefore enkindle the loss that many endure. Look around you-I am hinting (?) at corruption, degeneracy, putrescence…

Are we to do anything about it? Yes, if you think it’s a problem. What can be done? I say start from the core-level and tell people around you to make a career in something they love doing or somewhere around it. Clear the moral dilemma if any. Learn to look at each person as an individual. Remember that not everyone can be measured on the same scale. Finally, if possible, GENERATE PASSION, INSPIRE. And ask yourself- why do we want to be happy at the end of the day, why not begin the day on a happy note and keep it that way till the end?